虎媽:教養子女 中美平衡"Why Chinese Mothers are Superior?"中國崛起(Every dog has his day.風水輪流轉),讓虎媽這本書(Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother)榮登美國第六名排行榜,互棒互謗對她都有利。文章刻版印象(stereotype)」造就風潮。華爾街日報跟紐約時報有篇探討中西方教育的文章,引起兩極化的反應,當父母或是未來要當父母的人可以閱讀一下,想一想她的論調:http://news.backchina.com/viewnews-122448-big5.htmlSource: http://mypaper.pchome.com.tw/qmousejpig/post/1321838316 蔡美兒的父親是菲律賓華人蔡少棠(Leon M. Chua),他目前是柏克萊加大電機系教授,被稱為「非線性電路理論及細胞式神經網絡」之父。蔡美兒是家中四姊妹的老大,妹妹Katrin目前是史丹福大學教授。 蔡美兒1962年出生在伊利諾州香檳(Champaign),八歲時搬到柏克萊。她在1984年以極優榮譽畢業生(magna cum laude)畢業於哈佛大學,1987年以榮譽畢業生畢業於哈佛法學院,在校時她是哈佛法律評論主編。 蔡美兒先後發表過三本著作。第一本是「帝國時代:超級強國如何成為世界主宰及失敗的原因」(Day of Empire:How Hyperpowers Rise to Global Dominance-And Why They Fail)。蔡美兒在書中稱,歷史上的超級強國,包括羅馬、中國唐朝和大英帝國,是透過他們不同尋常的多元化和寬容來獲取優勢的;但是這種多元化也蘊含了它們衰敗的種子。 她第二本書「著火的世界:輸出自由市場民主是如何造成種族仇恨和全球動盪的?」(World on Fire:How Exporting Free Market Democracy Breeds Ethnic Hatred and Global Instability)也放眼全球。 在柏克萊大學的「與歷史對話」節目裡和書中,蔡美兒都談到她的寫作背景:她的父母都是從福建移居到菲律賓,後又移居美國。1994年蔡美兒的姑媽在菲律賓被司機(兩個傭人是同謀)暗殺,結果不了了之。警察說,主犯已逃走,案子就結了。 在研究法律的蔡美兒看來,它實在太荒唐了。但是,因為國家權力在菲律賓人手裡,警察是菲律賓人,華人沒有政治權力,也無可奈何。 從這個讓蔡美兒很震驚的案件出發,她進一步思考了西方輸出的自由市場民主,在不同的社會和歷史條件下會帶來怎樣不一樣的結果。比如華人在菲律賓,人口屬於少數民族,只占3%,但是擁有70%的財富,而民主造成的多數人的統治,導致他們在政治上沒有權力,所以搶劫、暗殺及排華事件就不斷發生。這樣的故事在東南亞諸國也不斷發膠原蛋白生。 蔡美兒的第三本書,討論主題轉到親子教育。「虎媽的戰歌」(Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother)是本回憶錄,解釋她的中國式媽媽作風,儘管她的孩子會說中文,但她們都以猶太方式撫養長大。 蔡美兒嫁給耶魯法學院授魯本菲(Jed Rubenfeld),目前住在康州紐海文,育有兩個女兒。 本報專訪:「虎媽」蔡美兒綜合報導 虎媽:教養子女 中美平衡以「虎媽的戰歌」(Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother)引發中美教育理念之爭的蔡美兒(Amy Chua)13日接受本報專訪時表示,由於華爾街日報標題驚人,近日來收到成千上萬封威脅信件,許多人指責她「虐待兒童」和「醜化亞裔」,「他們沒有閱讀全書造成誤解,這令我痛苦和難過,而貫串全書的是我如何改變教養方式。」她說,而且許多指責仍出於不理解華裔家庭的文化背景。 蔡美兒說,丈夫魯賓福(Jed Rubenfeld,音譯)對她的嚴苛式教養作風比較支持,他是美國猶太裔,從小成長環境比較寬鬆,「他倒希望父母對他嚴厲一些,逼他學習外語和樂器。」蔡美兒認為自己的成功歸功於父母嚴加教管,「我父母非常嚴厲,相比之下,我管孩子已經很寬鬆了。」 蔡美兒強調,她在書中傳達兩個重要的教育理念,一是父母應讓孩子感受到無私的愛,二是尋求中美媽媽教養方式的平衡,「不要學西方媽媽輕易讓孩子放棄,鼓勵孩子盡量做到最優秀。」 蔡美兒表示,「虎媽的戰歌」出發點並不是指導父母們養兒育女之道,而是在她的二女兒蔡思珊(LuLu)出現嚴重叛逆情緒、導致家庭危機時回顧18年為人母的經驗,用兩個月的時間揮筆寫就的回憶錄。蔡美兒說,書一開始就給出「中國媽咪」的定義,並不單純指華裔,而且也強調許多華裔父母與她教養子女方式不同。 蔡美兒說,她對女兒嚴格規定的「不許」是有些誇張(exaggerate),但女兒們並不覺得恐怖,反而認為好笑。在被問到為何「不許玩鋼琴和小提琴外的任何樂器」,蔡美兒表示,確實後悔當年沒有給女兒們更多選擇,譬如大提琴和口琴,但認為鋼琴和小提琴比較有挑戰性,但她也不斷調整自己,坦然接受女兒放棄拉小提琴。 蔡美兒說,兩個女兒非常有人緣,朋友很多,與老師和同學關係甚密,「她們自信堅強,非常有個性。」18歲的大女兒蔡思慧(Sophia)今年在申請大學,已經接到大學提前錄取的通知,但為保護孩子隱私,她拒絕透露是哪所大學。 本周末她要給二女兒蔡思珊舉辦15歲生日派對,已經邀請七位好友過夜。蔡美兒說,如果在朋友家過夜只是看電視、玩臉書,她當然不允許。澎湖民宿「許多美國媽媽讓假期讓孩子去歐洲旅遊三個月,我規定女兒們滿18歲後,對事物有更好的判斷再獨自闖世界。」 她說,「玩伴日」(playdates)有助孩子結交朋友,培養社交技巧,但西方母親注入太多浪漫色彩,過於重視孩子自尊心和受歡迎的程度。 針對有些美國母親對她的一些作法感到「殘忍」,蔡美兒說,因為她們缺少對華裔家庭文化背景的理解,她說,華裔父母稱孩子「小胖子」、「懶蟲」、「無能」,前提是孩子明白父母的愛心和調侃,懂得父母是敦促他們努力做到更優秀。她書中講到曾威脅女兒會「燒掉動物玩具」,但孩子們知道母親不會真的下手,她們一次野外郊遊時女兒丟失一個動物玩具,蔡美兒曾開車200哩去幫孩子找回來。 Read more: 世界新聞網-北美華文新聞、華商資訊 - 虎媽:教養子女 中美平衡 A lot of people wonder how Chinese parents raise such stereotypically successful kids. They wonder what these parents do to produce so many math whizzes and music prodigies, what it's like inside the family, and whether they could do it too. Well, I can tell them, because I've done it. Here are some things my daughters, Sophia and Louisa, were never allowed to do:‧ attend a sleepover‧ have a playdate‧ be in a school play‧ complain about not being in a school play‧ watch TV or play computer games‧ choose their own extracurricular activities‧ get any grade less than an A‧ not be the No. 1 student in every subject except gym and drama‧ play any instrument other than the piano or violin‧ not play the piano or violin. I'm using the term "Chinese mother" loosely. I know some Korean, Indian, Jamaican, Irish and Ghanaian parents who qualify too. Conversely, I know some mothers of Chinese heritage, almost always born in the West, who are not Chinese mothers, by choice or otherwise. I'm also using the term "Western parents" loosely. Western parents come in all varieties. When it comes to parenting, the Chinese seem to produce children who display academic excellence, musical mastery and professional success - or so the stereotype goes. WSJ's Christina Tsuei speaks to two moms 買房子raised by Chinese immigrants who share what it was like growing up and how they hope to raise their children. All the same, even when Western parents think they're being strict, they usually don't come close to being Chinese mothers. For example, my Western friends who consider themselves strict make their children practice their instruments 30 minutes every day. An hour at most. For a Chinese mother, the first hour is the easy part. It's hours two and three that get tough. Despite our squeamishness about cultural stereotypes, there are tons of studies out there showing marked and quantifiable differences between Chinese and Westerners when it comes to parenting. In one study of 50 Western American mothers and 48 Chinese immigrant mothers, almost 70% of the Western mothers said either that "stressing academic success is not good for children" or that "parents need to foster the idea that learning is fun." By contrast, roughly 0% of the Chinese mothers felt the same way. Instead, the vast majority of the Chinese mothers said that they believe their children can be "the best" students, that "academic achievement reflects successful parenting," and that if children did not excel at school then there was "a problem" and parents "were not doing their job." Other studies indicate that compared to Western parents, Chinese parents spend approximately 10 times as long every day drilling academic activities with their children. By contrast, Western kids are more likely to participate in sports teams. What Chinese parents understand is that nothing is fun until you're good at it. To get good at anything you have to work, and children on their own never want to work, which is why it is crucial to override their preferences. This often requires fortitude on the part of the parents because the child will resist; things are always hardest at the beginning, which is where Western parents tend to give up. But if done properly, the 室內裝潢Chinese strategy produces a virtuous circle. Tenacious practice, practice, practice is crucial for excellence; rote repetition is underrated in America . Once a child starts to excel at something—whether it's math, piano, pitching or ballet—he or she gets praise, admiration and satisfaction. This builds confidence and makes the once not-fun activity fun. This in turn makes it easier for the parent to get the child to work even more. Chinese parents can get away with things that Western parents can't. Once when I was young—maybe more than once—when I was extremely disrespectful to my mother, my father angrily called me "garbage" in our native Hokkien dialect. It worked really well. I felt terrible and deeply ashamed of what I had done. But it didn't damage my self-esteem or anything like that. I knew exactly how highly he thought of me. I didn't actually think I was worthless or feel like a piece of garbage. As an adult, I once did the same thing to Sophia, calling her garbage in English when she acted extremely disrespectfully toward me. When I mentioned that I had done this at a dinner party, I was immediately ostracized. One guest named Marcy got so upset she broke down in tears and had to leave early. My friend Susan, the host, tried to rehabilitate me with the remaining guests. The fact is that Chinese parents can do things that would seem unimaginable—even legally actionable—to Westerners. Chinese mothers can say to their daughters, "Hey fatty—lose some weight." By contrast, Western parents have to tiptoe around the issue, talking in terms of "health" and never ever mentioning the f-word, and their kids still end up in therapy for eating disorders and negative self-image. (I also once heard a Western father toast his adult daughter by calling her "beautiful and incredibly competent." She later told me that made her feel like garbage.) Chinese parents can order their kids to get straight As. Western 房地產parents can only ask their kids to try their best. Chinese parents can say, "You're lazy. All your classmates are getting ahead of you." By contrast, Western parents have to struggle with their own conflicted feelings about achievement, and try to persuade themselves that they're not disappointed about how their kids turned out.I've thought long and hard about how Chinese parents can get away with what they do. I think there are three big differences between the Chinese and Western parental mind-sets. First, I've noticed that Western parents are extremely anxious about their children's self-esteem. They worry about how their children will feel if they fail at something, and they constantly try to reassure their children about how good they are notwithstanding a mediocre performance on a test or at a recital. In other words, Western parents are concerned about their children's psyches. Chinese parents aren't. They assume strength, not fragility, and as a result they behave very differently.For example, if a child comes home with an A-minus on a test, a Western parent will most likely praise the child. The Chinese mother will gasp in horror and ask what went wrong. If the child comes home with a B on the test, some Western parents will still praise the child. Other Western parents will sit their child down and express disapproval, but they will be careful not to make their child feel inadequate or insecure, and they will not call their child "stupid," "worthless" or "a disgrace." Privately, the Western parents may worry that their child does not test well or have aptitude in the subject or that there is something wrong with the curriculum and possibly the whole school. If the child's grades do not improve, they may eventually schedule a meeting with the school principal to challenge the way the subject is being taught or to call into question the teacher's credentials. If a Chinese child gets a B—保濕面膜which would never happen—there would first be a screaming, hair-tearing explosion. The devastated Chinese mother would then get dozens, maybe hundreds of practice tests and work through them with her child for as long as it takes to get the grade up to an A. Chinese parents demand perfect grades because they believe that their child can get them. If their child doesn't get them, the Chinese parent assumes it's because the child didn't work hard enough. That's why the solution to substandard performance is always to excoriate, punish and shame the child. The Chinese parent believes that their child will be strong enough to take the shaming and to improve from it. (And when Chinese kids do excel, there is plenty of ego-inflating parental praise lavished in the privacy of the home.) Second, Chinese parents believe that their kids owe them everything. The reason for this is a little unclear, but it's probably a combination of Confucian filial piety and the fact that the parents have sacrificed and done so much for their children. (And it's true that Chinese mothers get in the trenches, putting in long grueling hours personally tutoring, training, interrogating and spying on their kids.) Anyway, the understanding is that Chinese children must spend their lives repaying their parents by obeying them and making them proud. By contrast, I don't think most Westerners have the same view of children being permanently indebted to their parents. My husband, Jed, actually has the opposite view. "Children don't choose their parents," he once said to me. "They don't even choose to be born. It's parents who foist life on their kids, so it's the parents' responsibility to provide for them. Kids don't owe their parents anything. Their duty will be to their own kids." This strikes me as a terrible deal for the Western parent. Third, Chinese parents believe that they know what is best for their 房地產children and therefore override all of their children's own desires and preferences. That's why Chinese daughters can't have boyfriends in high school and why Chinese kids can't go to sleepaway camp. It's also why no Chinese kid would ever dare say to their mother, "I got a part in the school play! I'm Villager Number Six. I'll have to stay after school for rehearsal every day from 3:00 to 7:00, and I'll also need a ride on weekends." God help any Chinese kid who tried that one. Don't get me wrong: It's not that Chinese parents don't care about their children. Just the opposite. They would give up anything for their children. It's just an entirely different parenting model. Here's a story in favor of coercion, Chinese-style. Lulu was about 7, still playing two instruments, and working on a piano piece called "The Little White Donkey" by the French composer Jacques Ibert. The piece is really cute—you can just imagine a little donkey ambling along a country road with its master—but it's also incredibly difficult for young players because the two hands have to keep schizophrenically different rhythms. Lulu couldn't do it. We worked on it nonstop for a week, drilling each of her hands separately, over and over. But whenever we tried putting the hands together, one always morphed into the other, and everything fell apart. Finally, the day before her lesson, Lulu announced in exasperation that she was giving up and stomped off. "Get back to the piano now," I ordered."You can't make me.""Oh yes, I can." Back at the piano, Lulu made me pay. She punched, thrashed and kicked. She grabbed the music score and tore it to shreds. I taped the score back together and encased it in a plastic shield so that it could never be destroyed again. Then I hauled Lulu's dollhouse to the car and told her I'd donate it to the Salvation Army piece by piece if she didn't have "The 設計裝潢Little White Donkey" perfect by the next day. When Lulu said, "I thought you were going to the Salvation Army, why are you still here?" I threatened her with no lunch, no dinner, no Christmas or Hanukkah presents, no birthday parties for two, three, four years. When she still kept playing it wrong, I told her she was purposely working herself into a frenzy because she was secretly afraid she couldn't do it. I told her to stop being lazy, cowardly, self-indulgent and pathetic. Jed took me aside. He told me to stop insulting Lulu—which I wasn't even doing, I was just motivating her—and that he didn't think threatening Lulu was helpful. Also, he said, maybe Lulu really just couldn't do the technique—perhaps she didn't have the coordination yet—had I considered that possibility? "You just don't believe in her," I accused. "That's ridiculous," Jed said scornfully. "Of course I do." "Sophia could play the piece when she was this age." "But Lulu and Sophia are different people," Jed pointed out. "Oh no, not this," I said, rolling my eyes. "Everyone is special in their special own way," I mimicked sarcastically. "Even losers are special in their own special way. Well don't worry, you don't have to lift a finger. I'm willing to put in as long as it takes, and I'm happy to be the one hated. And you can be the one they adore because you make them pancakes and take them to Yankees games."I rolled up my sleeves and went back to Lulu. I used every weapon and tactic I could think of. We worked right through dinner into the night, and I wouldn't let Lulu get up, not for water, not even to go to the bathroom. The house became a war zone, and I lost my voice yelling, but still there seemed to be only negative progress, and even I began to have doubts. Then, out of the blue, Lulu did it. Her hands suddenly came together—her right and left hands each doing their own imperturbable thing—just like 澎湖民宿that.Lulu realized it the same time I did. I held my breath. She tried it tentatively again. Then she played it more confidently and faster, and still the rhythm held. A moment later, she was beaming. "Mommy, look—it's easy!" After that, she wanted to play the piece over and over and wouldn't leave the piano. That night, she came to sleep in my bed, and we snuggled and hugged, cracking each other up. When she performed "The Little White Donkey" at a recital a few weeks later, parents came up to me and said, "What a perfect piece for Lulu—it's so spunky and so her." Even Jed gave me credit for that one. Western parents worry a lot about their children's self-esteem. But as a parent, one of the worst things you can do for your child's self-esteem is to let them give up. On the flip side, there's nothing better for building confidence than learning you can do something you thought you couldn't. There are all these new books out there portraying Asian mothers as scheming, callous, overdriven people indifferent to their kids' true interests. For their part, many Chinese secretly believe that they care more about their children and are willing to sacrifice much more for them than Westerners, who seem perfectly content to let their children turn out badly. I think it's a misunderstanding on both sides. All decent parents want to do what's best for their children. The Chinese just have a totally different idea of how to do that. Western parents try to respect their children's individuality, encouraging them to pursue their true passions, supporting their choices, and providing positive reinforcement and a nurturing environment. By contrast, the Chinese believe that the best way to protect their children is by preparing them for the future, letting them see what they're capable of, and arming them with skills, work habits and inner confidence that no one can ever take 房屋買賣away.Source:http://www.wretch.cc/blog/greenbean228/8014219

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